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One day Vartanik dies and goes to heaven. He meets a guy up their named Gurgen. One day Gurgen says: "Vartanik , how did
you die?" Vartanik says: "I froze to death . What about you ?" Gurgen says : " I thought my wife was cheating on me so i searched
the whole house to find a guy . When i didn`t find the guy , i had a heart attack and died ." Vartanik says: " You stupid
moron , if u checked the freezer , we both would have been alive now."
A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and
breaks into it.
He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman
to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While
he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot
of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist,
just do what he tells you! This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To
which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very attractive,
and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..
Vartanik returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked `How much is
2x3` I said "6" replies Vartanik. "But that`s right!" "Yeah, but then she asked me `How much is 3x2?`" "What`s the fucking
difference?" asks the father. "That`s what I said!"
vartaniks dad comes home one day and asks "vartanik where is your mom?" and vartanik sais "she is on the roof doing some
business with some man" so his dad sais to him "go on the roof, im gona shoot up with my shot gun, and then come back and
tell me what happened" so he goes up, and the dad shoots, then vartanik comes running down from the roof, and his dad asks
him, "what happened?" and vartanik sais "oh noting, (mamai verevi peroshe cheka, en martuel 2 dsevere) moms lips are missing,
and so is that mans balls
Vartanik has 10 brothers and sisters, and Vartanik`s dad want's to "be with" his wife but he can't because the kids won't
leave them alone. so Vartanik`s dad goes out rents a movie and gets some popcorn. he puts in the movie and puts the popcorn
on the table and tells the kids if any one of you eats the popcorn 2 at a time he's gonna stick a stick in their .... so that
he can "be with" his wife longer. so the kids are sitting there and eating their popcorn and Vartanik drops his popcorn and
it goes under the bedroom door. Vartanik goes to get it and he looks through a crack in the door. and his sister comes to
him and asks him what are you looking at and he said," Mamat popcorne hatek hatek che kerel "
One day class ended a few minutes early, so Ms. Margo decided to ask the students what their mothers did for a living.
Some of the responses were, My mother is a doctor, architect, nurse, home maker etc... then came Vartanik's turn. He replied
my mother is a SUBSTITUTE. Confused, Ms. Margo asked Vartanik what he meant. He said, my mother sometimes puts on a real short
dress, lots of makeup, high heal shoes and then walks up and down Santa Monica Blvd. Ms. Margo said I think you mean she is
a PROSTITUTE then, don't you? Vartanik said "no my aunt is the prostitute, my mom substitutes for her when she is sick"
one day vartanik was taking a bath with his grandma when he decided to ask why she had a split between her legs. thinking
that vartanik was too young to know what that was, she proceeded to tell him that one day when grandpa was chopping wood,
the end of the ax flew and hit her there. vartanik replied "DUP DUZ BOO*****IT zargav?"
One day vartanik graduates from school and gets at a hotdog factory. One day his father came to visit him and while he
is around he asked some questions. he asked "how do the hot dogs come out from that cow"? vartanik says "you just put your
di** in the cows pus** and the hot dog comes out" and his father replies "once i put my di** in your mama's pus** and a donkey
(esh) like you came out".
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